My Meantime Friend

In a lifetime, you would probably meet several people who will help you in whatever shit you may have found yourself on. At that moment, you will know right away that you were destined to meet. You will help each other overcome trials in your lives and the experience you share together will be worth telling your friends and even grandchildren about. The only problem is, the relationship be it a platonic friendship or whatever, would be fleeting. It will exist only when you need it and once the universe decides you have done so much for each other, it would be time to say goodbye.

I am actually being a drama queen again right now because I can't help but feel very emotional whenever I think of Ben, my supposedly meantime friend. The story of how I met him is one of those types that makes my friends drop their jaws in disbelief at how crazy I had been again. We have a common friend who sort of introduced us to each other via Friendster (yes, that's right, trust me to do something like that). Well, it was on the premise that we have the same last names.

The thing is, my dad decided to cut ties with his father a long time ago because his father cheated on my grandma and had another family. And so, the only people I know with the same last names as I are my siblings and my dad. On the other hand, Ben carries the maiden name of his mother who had him out of wedlock and he never knew his father. His mom had left him in the care of another family when he was a baby and he actually never met her. He said he tried searching for his mom but got a dead-end with the last known address.

Anyway, he asked me for coffee a long time ago but at that time, I was in a failing relationship and it didn't seem right to just go out and meet someone. So about a month ago, I finally decided to accept his invitation. I remember meeting him for the first time. He was already smiling when I looked up from the book I was reading and my thoughts exactly was, "Shoot! Too bad this guy might be my cousin!" Haha... I really thought he is a cute Chinese-looking guy. My initial plan of meeting him hoping he had cute friends went to the backseat.  

The minute he sat, we immediately launched into an exhaustive chat that might have been for two very good friends who haven't seen each other in a long time. That encounter felt light and pleasant that we extended to dinner and ended up with him taking me home. We found out that night that we couldn't establish the links between our roots but we had so much in common right from how we thinks to things of interest even to the color of cars.

That night was followed by daily exchanges of messages, then a movie, then some more of him coming to my office to bring me food. Admittedly, I was overwhelmed with the attention he was giving me and in as much as I wanted to jump in and enjoy the ride, I couldn't because I knew he had a girlfriend. How funny fate is. I left my ex who dared cheat on me with a married woman with two kids and now, here is a guy coming from a failing relationship with a married woman, also with a kid.  And he says hulog ako ng langit...

But despite all these, Ben and I continued to meet, hiding behind the fact that he was teaching me how to drive and I was helping him with his inventory problems in his business. And in between those, we went out for dinners, for movies, went on a cruise by the bay and he even introduced me to his best friend while I introduced him to my family. I asked him then why he was so nice to me and why he asked me out. His only response then was, "di na tinatanong yun."

It's as if I haven't had too much complications in my life already. All my friends were in panic mode - reminding me of the consequences of my actions. Ben had cleared that he and his girlfriend have broken up even before we met but admitted that the girl has been trying to get back with him. Two Sundays ago, as I was parking his car in front of my house, I again cleared with Ben that issue with him and that girl.

Do you have a girlfriend? No. Why?

Do you still meet with Cess? [No answer].

She called me again thanking me for trying to talk some sense into her. She was apologizing for calling me up the other time and also insinuating that you two are still together. What? She called you again?  

Ben, like I've told you before, I believe meeting you was a blessing and that I like the friendship that we have. But if being friends would will cause all of us trouble, it was probably better if we don't pursue this. Ok...

And the longest silence ever...I ended up apologizing for what I said and told him I'm so confused and doubtful...We got out of the car. When we stood in front of each other, there was this slight hesitation, barely noticeable but it was there. He went left, I went right. Then he said take care. I replied by saying, "you take care because you still need to drive home." And that was it. That was the last I had seen him. I sent him a message last Friday and tried calling last Saturday but no reply. No word. Nothing. He's gone.

I should've done something, I could've said something but I didn't do anything that night when I saw that moment of hesitation. But what could've I done? Now that apparently it's over, I don't feel angry. It must be because I knew what I was risking and I had been warned amply. I wish though that he stayed in my life, like very good friends. I miss him terribly, but I'll be ok. It was great while it lasted.

tags: friendships  relationships  

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